Two Year Old With A Rubik’s Cube

Got divorced. Lost a company. Cried in a nightclub toilet (for two hours). Sobbed into fast food at 3am (a few times). Assaulted a suitcase (only once). Laughed hysterically (a lot). Cried uncontrollably (for hours on end). Had a panic attack on a tram (during rush hour). Grew a beard.

This was my summer and autumn, 2015.

Last year I was heartbroken following the separation from my partner of thirteen years. Never have I felt pain like it in my life. If reconciling this wasn’t hard enough, just three months after the separation we discovered that one of our employees had defrauded the business we’d built together. The financial damage was irreparable. After nine years of successful trading, the doors closed and eight people lost their jobs. Then I ended up in court defending a parking ticket – deep joy.

I’ve realised just how big a part occupations, relationships and possessions can play in the make up of a person’s identity. Up until last year I was in a long-term relationship and ran a successful business. I knew that Adam really well and so did the people around me. In a way, I think these two major things grounded me because they helped me establish all the other parts of my identity too.

Both those anchors have since been pulled, and now I’m sat here wearing skinny jeans for the first time. I’ve been letting my hair go curly having straightened it for over ten years and I’m leaning more to the left politically than I ever thought were possible. I’m thinking of getting a piercing, and a tattoo. Oh, and I want to live on a canal boat (yes, a canal boat). And if the last six months are anything to go by, all these preferences and desires will change tomorrow, and again the day after. Imagine a two-year old trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube… that’s me, trying to sort my life out.

Countless times I’ve found myself daydreaming about traveling the world, experiencing different cultures and meeting interesting people from all walks of life.

In an attempt to make some sense of everything and avoid a Britney-style meltdown, I’ve gone back to basics. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to travel. Countless times I’ve found myself daydreaming about seeing the world, experiencing different cultures and meeting interesting people from all walks of life. Creating amazing memories and human connection makes me happy and on the back of a tough year, I have (by luck more than judgement!) found myself in the position to live a dream.

So, I’ve booked a twelve-month trip around the world.

I’m terrified and excited but it’s the only thing I’ve felt certain about for months. I know it’s not going to be an easy road. Rather than seeking certainty and security, I’m choosing to step into the great unknown. I’ll be spending time nurturing a relationship with myself against a challenging backdrop. I’ll be traveling alone and intend to remain incredibly open minded about what impact the trip may have on me, and what sort of person I’ll be when (if?) I return.

As I travel around I’ll be blogging, uploading pictures to my Instagram (which you can find on the homepage) and posting short videos on Vimeo. Posts will range from where I’m at physically, as well as emotionally – you’ve been warned! You can be notified of new posts by subscribing below. 

Finally, if you’re interested to know where I’m headed, take a look at my itinerary. You can also read a bit more about me, if it takes your fancy.